Sacrifice

The reality of it smacked me in the face this spring. Hard. To the point that tears welled up on the regular over it.

Sacrifice.

It's something so many of us know so little about.

And it's sort of easy to avoid it in our current society. Just turn away. Distract yourself with other things. Pretend it isn't happening. Act as if that's something that only happens at other places to other people. It won't happen here.

Until it does.

This spring it did. No, not in my town, but in the next "big" town over. Just a half hour away. It hit close to home. And for whatever reason, those ones seem to weigh more heavily on the heart. And from the overflow of the heart, it often tended to drip down my face.

Just another Tuesday afternoon. Multiple officers gunned down. 2 dead and another injured with a long road to recovery. What horrific lengths a desperate criminal will go to to not have to live with the consequences of their choices.

Unfortunately, this type of thing happens, and far more than the big national news stories involving law enforcement would want you to think. As soon as I heard the news, I knew we would attend the funerals. It was my first time going to a funeral for a line of duty death. I wish I could say the same for my officer, but he's been to several. We just wanted to show our support. If, God forbid, we ever found ourselves facing that kind of a situation, we would want to be shown support.

Up to this point, I thought I had felt the whole spectrum of emotions towards this law enforcement life. My feelings about this career (and my husband's involvement in it) have run the gamut of highs and lows. But this experience caused my spectrum of emotions about law enforcement to be further stretched. I felt an extraordinary low of sadness and lament like I have never felt before. But somehow, simultaneously, that sadness was warring within my soul in stark contrast to the immense pride for the way these officers are willing to literally lay down their lives in the line of duty.

For you. For me. For anybody.

"Greater love has no one than this:

to lay down one's life for one's friends."

John 15:13

If you've never attended the funeral of someone who died doing everything they could to stop evil and save someone, I can honestly say that no matter how many words I may manage to put on this page, I could never hope to adequately capture it. Honoring those officers whose lives were laid down in the line of duty is an immensely humbling and moving experience. One I hope to never have to do for my husband, but all the while know he's willing should his time come.

Seeing the Honor Guard assembled to stand guard and honor the fallen. Hearing the bagpipes playing Amazing Grace. Listening to the officer's last call go out over the radio. Seeing the flag folded and given to the wife. Watching the officer's kids who now find themselves fatherless. Standing among the sea of blue as they salute their fallen brother, surrounded by the sound of sniffles. Catching the gaze of my own officer in the midst of all this, across a sea of people who are willing to make that same sacrifice, knowing that one day this very well could all be for him.

And yet we do it anyway. He keeps showing up for work to serve our community. And I keep showing up to support him. Some people have taken issue with the fact that I am as vocal about policing issues as I am. But with as rough as things have been and as silent as the support often is, I speak up. Because our officers need to know that someone supports this sacrificial work they're out there doing. And as a family who has dealt with some of the many sacrifices that come with this line of work, I can attest to the fact that we also need to see that support.

And we did see it. Following the funerals, people showed up to show us that they saw the sacrifices and that they value those who are willing to make them. While I wish that those officers would have been able to see it for themselves, I can speak for myself and my officer that the show of support was much needed. The last few years have been really hard for this line of work. I wish it didn't take someone dying for this kind of support to be seen, but yet I am ever so grateful that I got to witness it. Driving in a miles long procession of flashing red and blue lights as people lined the streets to show us that they see us is something that will undoubtedly stick with me.

To be honest, there's times I truly wish he could be in any line of work but this one. And when I tell my friends about some of the things that have come with my husband having this job, it's certainly been met with some saying that he should look for different work.

That's definitely been tempting.

But, also, if I am honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. We're in this because God called my husband to it, and we're with him in it, through the highs and the lows. There's no other line of work I would want him to be in than the one the Lord has called him to. Even if it looks like serving his community in the midst of a society that hates him for it. Even if it comes with many sacrifices. We pray that the ultimate sacrifice will not come, but

we have to leave it to the Lord and keep faithfully serving. He numbers our days and until the day He calls us home, we will do our best to steward the days He does give us well for Him. We will lay down our lives however He is asking us to. And for now this is what that looks like for our family.

Even if the thought of that sacrifice may sometimes leave me with tear streaked cheeks.

We can't unsee the sacrifices of those who have laid their lives down in this line of work. I ask that you don't either. If you support them, please show it. This post is being published for Police Week, but I encourage you to show your support outside of just those 7 days each year.

Want a deeper glimpse into law enforcement? Have a conversation with a cop. Attend a Citizens' Academy. Go on a ride-along with an officer. Want to make positive changes in your community? Consider becoming an officer and being the change you wish to see.