Daughterhood

God's been working on me lately. (Well, who am I kidding -- that Guy has always got something He is working on with me.)

This week, it's the idea of daughterhood. And not just daughterhood, but that of parenthood, as well. (And I suppose sons fall into this too, but since this story involves my daughter, and me, a daughter of the Most High God, then that's the term I choose to use. So all you boys out there -- don't feel excluded!) Anyways, on to my story.

For those of you who don't know, this past summer, God blessed my husband and I with a beautiful baby, whom we named Kaycee. And for those of you who haven't met her, she is a pretty happy baby. She started sleeping through the night on her own at 2 weeks old, and (I am happy to say) had made a habit of it. Until about 2 weeks ago.

That's when her daddy left for training. Fortunately for us, this is a temporary thing -- whilst he is away he will endure several weeks' worth of job training, which will prepare him for a job which will better provide for our family. So, truth be told, as much as we hate not having him here, in the end, this will be a big blessing. (And we do get to see him some during that time, which we are oh so grateful for.)

My problem is that I don't function well on little sleep, and with Hunter not here to help, that lack of sleep has been accumulating at a seemingly ridiculous rate. Especially since her sleeplessness goes beyond simply waking in the night, but often includes screaming for hours on end, demanding to be held, and at times just being inconsolable. (She's at that age, where there are any number of things that could be causing this -- teething, growth spurts, digestive troubles from starting solid foods, missing Daddy, etc.) To say the least, I was worn out. And I was feeling kind of sorry for myself.

I'm sure it's just a phase. But it isn't the only phase that she has been going through. For the past few months (and just about anyone who has spent any amount of time around her can attest to this) she has been having separation anxiety. As in (usually) no one but Mommy (and maybe Daddy) can hold her for more than a few moments (or minutes if they're lucky) without screams.

So Sunday, at church, I found myself pondering these "phases" which have had my daughter so distraught. All of a sudden, I saw it in a new light. I realized that I need to love God the way a little baby loves his/her mommy.

When something has me unsettled at night, I should cry out to God. I should seek His face in my sleeplessness. I should look for Him to console me from my fears, anxieties, and anything else that may be keeping me from getting some shut-eye.

When someone or something tries to take me away from my God, I should scream so loud, and search so frantically for Him, that I can't be consoled until I am no longer separated from Him. I should be so dependent upon Him that the mere thought of being apart from Him upsets me severely. I should seek Him for nourishment and for all my other needs.

And when I know He's got me, I should snuggle up to Him, lay my head upon His chest, and just soak Him up. I should smile at Him with that special smile that only someone who has ever had a child would know. I should desire so much to be with Him, that even if I don't technically need anything, I will still want not only to be with Him, but to be held by Him, wrapped up in His arms, safe from all harm.

I want to love Him like that, to need Him like that And on the flip side, I think He wants to be loved and needed like that.

But to be quite honest, that's not been how I've been toward Him. Do I love God? Yes. Do I need Him? You bet. But do I absolutely depend on Him for my everything? As much as I would like to say that I do, if I'm completely honest, I don't tend to truly depend on Him as much as I ought to. (Which is quite silly, honestly, as He has brought us through so much, that it seems slightly idiotic, that I would even dare to take any of my dependence off of Him.)

Additionally, as God wants His followers to want/need/depend on Him for their everything, I as a parent need to approach my child's wanting/needing/depending on me with a different attitude. As much as I love my daughter, I know that sometimes when it's inconvenient, or I'm tired, I can be a bit irritable in regards to dealing with her. But shame on me! My child loves me and depends on me and I need to soak that up! Because she will grow up and she won't want or need me as much then as she does now. They say "This too shall pass" about phases, but that's not always a good thing. After all, she will grow up and move on from this point in her life, to phases that will make me miss the sleepless nights and the screaming for Mommy.

But just because her neediness for me is a phase, definitely doesn't mean my neediness for God should ever be a phase. That's something that we should never grow out of. In fact, I would argue that the opposite ought be true -- that the longer we live, the more we should see just how dependent our lives are on God and that our need for Him would become ever more apparent.

Of course, I don't know why this is just now clicking with me. It says pretty clearly in Scripture: "Truly, I say to you,unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matthew 18:3) But I think that if you're paying attention, it's pretty amazing some of the stuff that God will point out to you just as you are living your everyday (seemingly) boring life. Even more incredible are the things He speaks through the mouths of babes, especially those who have yet to master their first word.

"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Matthew 18:3

So all you other sons and daughters, what's God been saying to you in these days?

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